Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
