The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
