the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
