Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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