I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
