i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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