I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
