the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize