She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
