as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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