Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just found puke in my bra..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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