just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
