She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
