All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize