I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
