Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
