I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
