She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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