you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
