The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
