like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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