they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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