you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
