Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize