Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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