I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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