Cold hands, warm shart.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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