he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Rumble strips road head = magical
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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