if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize