I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize