I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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