I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize