He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
