how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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