he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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