Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
