Tell her she can't have a vagina
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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