so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
