Where did you get a picture of my penis
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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