Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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