How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize