Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
