i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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