Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
