HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize