she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
