I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
