I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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