Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
