my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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