Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Swine flu. Run for my life!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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