I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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