Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
