Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
