I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
