Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
