i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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