South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
