the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
