Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
