I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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