I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
