i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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