so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize