im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
