I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize