well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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