he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
