I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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