All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
