Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
