I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just cropdusted the office
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Houston, we have a squirter
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
