I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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