dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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