I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
