The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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