Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
