Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
