Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
