Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
